How do we make it back from this?
by Bear125
Summary: BURZEK ! Going to start the day before the trial. Will follow along with the story, putting in moments between Kim and Adam. After caught up with the fall finale it will take on my own story :). Spoilers obviously if you haven't seen up to 4x08
1. Chapter 1

**I've been sitting on this for quite sometime. I didn't know where to take it after this, but the Fall finale has given me some inspiration, if only I could get the actors to agree to act it out for me. Ha.**

Adam walked to his desk, he'd overheard Erin saying to Jay that she couldn't get on to Kim and when she stopped by her house, she wasn't there. He had half a mind to get Mouse to ping her phone, but decided against that. He knew where she was, well at least he was pretty sure.

"I'm going out, I'll be back soon" he said to Al, grabbed his jacket and took the stairs out of the bullpen two at a time. He needed to make sure she was ok. The protesters were out of control, she should have been at home, she shouldn't be out. He drove to the zoo and pulled into a restricted zone throwing his CPD parking pass on the dash.

Walking through the gates his stomach was in knots hoping she was going to be where he thought she was, hoping that he still knew her as well as he had before everything fell apart. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her, exactly where he thought she'd be. He walked up to her and sat down on bench seat next to her, watching the carousel go round and round. The first time he'd found her here was after Zoe had, had a complication with her liver just after they'd got together. Since then, he realized she came here when she was upset and she needed to forget, she always said it calmed her.

"What are you doing here?" She breathed out. Why is he still nice to me? Kim thought to herself, she was nervous for tomorrow, she was nervous for what was going to happen for what they were going to make out she did.

"Heard a call over the radio about a suspicious lady spying on children at the Zoo" Adam said smiling

"You did not" she said laughing.

"Maybe not, but I reckon someone would call it in soon." he teased and she raised her eyebrows at him "I heard Erin saying she was worried, you weren't at home and you weren't answering your phone" he said sighing, trying to think of ways to take the worry away from her. "I thought I'd try my luck and see if you still loiter here" he said joking, hoping that if he kept teasing her she would smile more. He felt his heart speed up when she did smile. I wish she didn't still have such a hold on me he thought to himself.

"I'd hardly call it loitering" Kim laughed.

"Come on, let's go get some coffee, we'll go past the Otter's, those things always make you smile" Adam said nudging her shoulder into his.

"You don't have to be nice to me just because of all this you know?" Kim said feeling guilty, he didn't know about Roman. They had slept together that once, and then since the shooting, it had been like nothing had happened in that regard. She was thankful for that, she didn't think she could be anything more with him, but how do you tell a person who's just been shot that you don't want to be with them because your still in love with your ex.

"I know, but I want to make sure you're ok. I told you, I got your back" Adam stood up and thought about putting out his hand but thought better of it. He nodded his head in the direction of the otters and Kim smiled and hopped up too. They had been walking in silence for 10 minutes when Kim finally broke the silence.

"I got the right guy" she blurted out.

"I know" Adam said simply

"It was 3 seconds Adam, I lost sight of him for 3 seconds, but it was the same guy" she said defending herself as if Adam had challenged her. Adam's heart broke, she was doubting herself. "You believe I got the right guy don't you?" she asked. Adam stopped her from walking and turned her to face him with both hands on her upper arms.

"You got the right kid Kim. We got the gun, we got footage of him throwing the gun, the warehouse he claims to have run in was locked from the inside and out. You got the right kid." Adam said seriously hoping to god that he could help her see what anyone on the right side of the law knew. Kim nodded and turned out of his arms to keep walking.

"I'm scared about tomorrow" Kim whispered and Adam felt the overwhelming urge to wrap her up in his arms.

"I'll be there, I'll meet you at the car. Platt and Erin are driving you. We're all going to be in that courtroom. You'll be ok. I promise" Adam said settling for squeezing her hand.

"The things there going to say, I just" Kim started but Adam stopped her.

"It's their job. To make you look and sound bad, anyone who knows you, knows it will be a load of crap. You're good police Kim and an even better person. You'll be fine, and if you're not" he started rubbing his thumb over her knuckles "I'll bring you here after, and let you stare at the small children for hours without a word" he added smiling. Kim forced a smile and nodded, she needed this, she needed Adam to calm her fears. She knew that he wouldn't be bringing her here tomorrow, he wouldn't be sitting here with her tomorrow. She knew she should tell him, but the selfish part of her won out.

* * *

Adam was on edge, the judge had just called Kim to the stand and he knew how nervous she was. He knew it was going to take all of his and maybe even Kevin's strength to not reach over and strangle the attorney who was going to do anything to make Kim seem like a racist, anything to make Kim doubt herself, anything to make all those people sitting on the jury think that Kim was in fact all of the horrible things that people were chanting out the front of the courthouse.

Kim had spent the time before she was called in feeling like she was going to throw up, she should have told Adam, he shouldn't have to find out like this. She was clinging to some hope that maybe the defense wasn't going to use it. But that was more than a pipe dream.

ASA Stone had just reiterated what everyone should have already known, Kim was good police, bringing up she'd already been shot before, listing her awards. But now it was the other attorney's turn, it was her turn to try and paint Kim in a terrible light. Adam watched her walk to the TV and play portion of a video of Kim and Roman before the shooting, Kim was leaning at an odd angle towards Roman.

"Officer Burgess, how long have you and Sean Roman been in a sexual relationship?"

Well shit this lady was going to try anything, Adam thought bitterly in his head, until he looked back to Kim, and he felt the sudden urge to throw up.

"Officer Roman and I had just begun to see each other" Kim answered trying to hold back the emotion she felt. Ignoring her heart screaming at her to tell Adam it was a mistake, to jump down from the stand and beg him to forgive her. Adam felt everything else slip away, the courtroom was suddenly just a mix of blurred sounds.

"Bro, you okay?" Kev whispered to Adam as he had his head hung down, he couldn't look at Kim, and he couldn't let her see the look on his face. She'd ripped his heart out again. Adam just nodded and then looked back up at Kim.

"What was the man who shot your partner, wearing when you first saw him" Green said with a insinuating tone. Kim had to keep repeating in her head to keep calm, she had to try and hold it together.

"Dark jeans, a hoodie and white nikey shoes" Kim answered confidently her frustration started to show through in her words.

"The same ones worn by 15000 urban youth in Chicago" Green countered and that was it, Kim was done holding it in.

"Yes, because they wear the same clothes to make it harder for police to identify them" she blurted out and Green smirked

"Hard to identify?" Kim's heart dropped, she looked at Adam hoping for some kind of reassurance that it was ok, but all she found there was hurt and anger.

Everyone was filing out of the courtroom. Adam walked out quickly and headed for the doors.

"Ruzek, where are you going?" Erin said walking after him.

"I'm done caring Erin, she can get through this on her own." Adam spat out "Actually she doesn't have too, Roman can help her" he turned and walked out. He was done, he wasn't going to let her use his heart like a pin cushion anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Another round Hermann" Adam asked walking up to the bar, he was well and truly on his way to being drunk. He'd always turned down Mouses invitations to do this but that was most definitely not going to be his approach this time, no more pining over Kim. He was adopting Mouse's moto "Don't cry over the one you can't have, get under the ones you can". He looked back over at the table he'd just come from, she was totally the opposite of Kim, she was tall, blonde and had a massive chest. He wanted her to be the opposite; he didn't want any reminder of Kim. He wanted to forget her and while he was sceptical about that happening, it wasn't going to be from a lack of trying.

"Adam do you really think this is a good idea" Erin slipped into a stool next to him at the bar.

"What?"

"You know what. I saw you in that courtroom Adam, you obviously still love her. Sleeping with other women and being pissed at her isn't going to solve anything. Talk to her."

"Erin, she broke off the engagement, she f***ed Roman, she obliterated my heart, I'm done. I can f*** whoever I like, she sure as hell does" Erin flinched at the way Adam was speaking; he never spoke like that, especially not about Kim.

"Adam, she felt horrible and she was so torn about it, I don't think Sean meant anything to her"

"Wait. You knew? You knew she was f***ing Roman and you didn't say anything? Did you tell Jay?" Erin nodded regretfully. This wasn't going how she'd planned.

"We couldn't tell you, and you did yell at him that he could have her, how were we meant to know we should tell you. We weren't sure you would care"

"Didn't know if I'd care?" he scoffed "You know what, I don't care, just do me a favour, you kept everything about her to yourself before. Just keep doing it, I don't want to hear about her" Adam's voice laced with anger as he took the drinks off the bar and walked back over to the table.

* * *

It had been two weeks since the trial and Kim's life was just as much a mess as it was the day she sat in that stand. She was sitting on her couch and had finished almost a whole bottle of wine, liquid courage was her justification. Only problem was, it wasn't giving her the courage she'd hoped it would.

"Just call him and tell him it was a mistake and there is no way in hell you can move to San Diego" Kim told herself picking up her phone "The guy just lost his job and was told he'd never be on patrol again, have a heart" she huffed at herself throwing her phone back down.

She'd been trying to find a way to tell Roman she couldn't be whatever it was that he was trying for. He'd started kissing her again, and she was nervous for when he'd be cleared for other things, what he might expect. She kept putting it off and now she wished she'd have told him before, if she'd delivered the news before the final blow of him not being able to return to patrol, it might have been just a bit easier. Kim had no idea what to say at Molly's earlier when he'd told her. She'd been looking for him to tell him that she couldn't be with him, and he wanted her to move to San Diego now?

"I love you probably? I mean who says that, that is a ridiculous thing to say" she said to herself trying to make herself angry at him, maybe a different approach to get the courage to call him.

"He's still your best friend Kim, you did this yourself, you made this mess. Not him." She sighed throwing herself on her bed face down dramatically. I'll tell him tomorrow she thought to herself, he can't seriously think she would move to San Diego, surely he'll understand

* * *

"Ruzek, we on for tonight?" Mouse asked from his desk

"What's tonight?" He'd spent the last 2 weeks since the trial hitting it hard, he didn't realise Mouse had so much in him, he could back it up like no one he'd ever met. Adam used to be able to, but he was slowly learning he wasn't that person anymore. He'd slept with two women, and both times, he'd snuck out before they woke up. Following Mouse's moto wasn't working as he'd hoped.

"Ladies night at Molly's" he smirked. "Kev you in?"

"I'm down" Kev answered from across the room.

"Come on Ruzek, don't go soft on me now, you didn't come out last night" Mouse teased. Kev had been particularly glad about that, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Roman kiss Burgess in plain sight there, he wasn't sure what had happened with her, but the girl had lost her marbles. Roman was a nice enough guy, but next to Ruzek he didn't compare. And the way she looked at Roman was laughable to how she looked at Ruzek. Adam was just about to answer when Voight came in and wanted to be briefed on the case.

"Look who's here" Voight said as he saw Roman walk through the door. Adam looked over and groaned internally while everyone said their goodbyes, he'd apologised to Erin the next day after his outburst at Molly's after the trial. Once he'd sobered up he realised, Erin and Kim were friends, and he had to respect that. He wished he'd had a heads up before the courtroom, but that was on Kim, not Erin or Jay. His anger towards Kim was slowly fading, though he was trying to hold onto it for dear life, but Kim always had a way of making it slip through his fingers. Roman was leaving today, leaving Chicago completely and he would be lying if he said that didn't make him deliriously happy. At least he could stop thinking about if he was touching Kim and odd hours of the night. Forgetting Kim wasn't going well at all.

"Adam" Sean nervously said from behind him at his desk "I know it wasn't always pretty between us, but you're good police and I'll always respect that" Kev watched the exchange carefully.

"Hey you too man, Good luck" Adam stood to shake his hand.

"You handled that better than I would have expected" Kev commented after Roman had left.

"If I was him, I'd have slept with her too" Adam said half laughing "I'm trying to let it go, that was step 1" pointing to where Roman had walked out.

"What's step 2?" Kev asked intrigued.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out Bro" Adam laughed slapping his back.

* * *

Sean was walking down the hallway carrying the contents of his locker when Kim walked through the doors from the break room. Sean was well aware Kim didn't love him, not the way she loved Adam. He'd messed with her head, projecting his own commitment issues and making them Adam's and he felt like shit about it. He didn't love her, he liked her an awful lot, but it wasn't love.

"I've been thinking about your offer" Kim started, deciding that she just had to rip the Band-Aid off

"Me too. I want you to stay" Sean said, Kim was stunned into silence "Are you mad?"

"No, I've been trying to find a way to tell you the same thing. Cause this is where I belong, being a cop"

"Do it for both of us" Sean leaned in and kissed her, and Kim couldn't help but realise how awkward it was. Sean walked out the doors, only to return a second later. "Kim"

"Yeah?"

"The whole thing with Ruzek" Sean stopped not sure if telling her this is a good idea "He was definitely dragging his feet. But I think I made it worse for you. He still adores you, and I think if you're honest with yourself, you'll realize you still love him" Sean nodded and slipped back out the door. Kim stood in the hallway stunned.

"What did Sean mean he made it worse? How could he say that and then walk out like that? Adam hasn't even looked at me since the trial, adores is not the word I would use for his feelings towards me" Kim thought to herself.

"Burgess, something has happened, you and I are going on patrol together" Platt commanded pulling Kim out of her thoughts.

* * *

Voight was at the hospital withdrawing Justin's life support. Jay, Al and Kev had gone out to pursue a lead and Erin was in the kitchen, barely holding it together. Adam didn't know what to do, she was going to cry, he didn't know how to comfort Erin when she cried. He didn't know what to say, but he cared too much about Erin to leave her in there. He kicked his chair and took a deep breath.

"I guess it's time for step two" he muttered under his breath and walked down the stairs in search of the one person he wanted to avoid.

"Kim" he called out when he finally found her

"Adam, hey are you ok? I just heard about Justin" Kim was shocked that Adam was talking to her, let alone looking for her.

"Come with me" turning to walk back to intelligence ignoring her questions.

"Adam, I've been meaning to talk to you" Kim started as they got to the top of the stairs.

"Stop" Adam snapped as he turned around, when he saw Kim's face his demeanour softened "Look Kim, our relationship ended. You moved on. I wish I didn't have to find out the way I did, I wish I hadn't made a fool of myself at the zoo that day. But it is what it is. Let's just forget about it all, pretend we never happened. It's not fair on our friends"

"Adam you" Kim started her heart broken with him suggesting they could pretend like they never happened.

"We have way more important things to worry about right now Kim" Adam pointed into the break room at Erin staring out the window "Like that, I don't know how to comfort her, you guys are friends, can you see if she's ok?" Adam asked worried

"Of course" Kim said her heart breaking all over again for what Erin must be feeling right now.


	3. Chapter 3

The tension in the district was almost unbearable, Trudy Platt had been attacked. Kim was panicked, she needed to help, she needed to do something. The on duty desk sergeant had given her some bullshit assignment. But Adam and Kev had taken her up to intelligence with them. Kim had accidentally give Trudy their only lead in the case, and when Trudy escaped from the hospital and was after her father's killer, Kim had felt horrible. Trudy was now safely back at the hospital and the offender was now in custody, it wasn't clear how that had all gone down, but it had been Voight who brought him back. Everyone was now over at Molly's having a much needed drink, Kim was trying to drown out the days events and in particular Platt playing her.

"You got us the lead that ended up getting us to Trudy. Ease up on yourself" Erin said placing another drink in front of Kim.

"Yeah and I almost got her killed too"

"But you didn't, trust me if you want to be in intelligence one day, you cannot worry about the almosts and the what ifs. A win is a win, and a win is the units win, or the units loss."

Adam walked into Molly's scanning it for her; he smiled when he found her and walked over.

"Hey" Adam said slipping into the seat opposite her. This was his second time seeing Ainsleigh, she was the first girl that Adam had woken up to and didn't feel the need to bail before she woke up. It was casual, fun and she seemed ok with that. Adam wasn't ready for dates, he was ready for this, whatever this was, well as ready as he could be anyway. This was step 3 of letting go of Kim and the hurt she had caused him.

"I got you a beer"

"Well thank you, sorry I'm a little late" Adam said reaching across the table and squeezing her hand.

"I'm sure it will be worth the wait" she flirted with him. Adam looked around the bar, he wasn't sure if she was going to be here. He wanted to make sure she was ok, it was the main reason he'd got Ainsleigh to meet him here. He didn't want to care. But he did, so much for letting her go he thought bitterly to himself.

"Ruzek" Jay yelled getting Adam's attention, his eyes fell to Kim who was sitting between Erin and Jay, she was looking at him, and he saw her eyes dart between him and Ainsleigh, instantly he felt a pang of guilt. "Get over here, we are doing a shot for Platt"

"I'll be one second, if I say no they won't leave us alone all night" Adam said quickly before walking over to the bar.

"Here" Erin said handing it to him as he came over

"To Platt" everyone said as they downed the shot. Adam winced as the liquid burned its way down his throat, and then leaned forward putting the shot glass on the bar. He felt his body press into Kim.  
"Shit. Sorry"

"It's ok" Kim said blankly staring into her glass, still not having looked up at Adam since she realised he was on a date.

"You know, it wasn't your fault today"

"What's he? Person number 6 to tell you that? Come on cheer up" Jay said nudging her.

"Someone should ask Voight what he thinks about it" Kim scoffed out

"Kim, you know how many times I was in trouble with Voight when I first came in. You used to tell me I needed to make mistakes to become a better cop. Take your own advice"

"Adam" Ainsleigh yelled from the table "Your phone is ringing" Adam cursed under his breath and nodded at Ainsleigh.

"Chin up. It's not like you haven't done a million other things to impress him. He'll forget about it" Adam said squeezing her arm and walking back to Ainsleigh. Kim was comforted by Adam but at the same time she was devastated where he'd left to go.

"Let's just forget about it all, pretend we never happened" played over and over again in her head like a song stuck on repeat. It looked like while that was going to be impossible for Kim, Adam was already well and truly on his way.

* * *

"So what happened?" Tay asked out of the blue as they drove through the streets on patrol, Tay needed to think about something other than the fact that she was going to be back on her foot beat at 26th and Cal.

"With what?" Kim asked confused

"Ruzek"

Kim groaned loudly and gripped the steering wheel "Nothing worth talking about"

"You told me you dated him, then I heard you were engaged"

"And?" Kim's frustration with the conversation obvious in her tone.

"And Ruzek apparently walked around like a wounded puppy for months"

"Well he wasn't wounded enough to try and convince me he wanted to marry me" she snapped

"Wow, and you still have feelings for him"

"What? I do not." Kim answered too quickly and Tay raised her eyebrows at her. "He wants to forget we ever happened, for our friends apparently"

"That's not what the looks he gives you say" Kim sighed and decided to just lay it all out.

"He didn't want to get married, he wouldn't even meet my Mother. He'd been engaged two other times before me and never made it to the wedding. He came up with every excuse under the sun not to live together, when we went apartment hunting, it was like he was deliberately picking things I didn't like." She sighed and tapped the steering wheel nervously "Roman, my ex-partner. I don't know, I never really noticed until after he left, but he made all my fears about Adam worse. He would say things like maybe he likes the movie trailer more than the movie, he also told me a bronze medal was nothing to sneeze at when I found out about the other two engagements. Just little things that I would over think"

"Wait, Roman? As in the one you slept with?" Kim groaned loudly again and nodded "Wow, so he was just trying to get in your pants?"

"I don't think it was like that" Kim shook her head and then sighed "I don't know really. It's just, it doesn't matter. Not anymore. Adam didn't want to get married, it was hurting me so much that he didn't want to, so I gave him the ring back."

"What did he do?"

"Basically nothing" Kim said quietly "He told me he was miserable once, at work, after I'd just been in an accident. But other than that. He did nothing" Kim could feel her eyes starting to water and she took a deep breath and swallowed hard to make sure they stopped "I never doubted if Adam loved me, he just didn't want to marry me, and I wanted to marry him more than anything. I decided it was better to break my own heart walking away then let Adam keep chipping away at it not even knowing he was"

"Did you talk to him about it?" Tay was regretting asking, she could see Kim was struggling to hold it together and she felt horrible.

"Not like I should have. I wanted him to want to marry me though. I didn't want to pressure him into it. It didn't help that Platt got engaged months after us and had a date like the next day" Kim scoffed out.

"At the risk of being punched in the face, I'm going to say something" Tay said cautiously, and Kim looked sideways at her just as cautiously "He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he didn't want to, you didn't make him do that. Was an extra ring on your finger really worth losing him completely?" Kim sighed and pushed away the urge to cry.

"Hindsight is a bitch Tay" Kim replied bitterly.

"Tell me about it, I should have just slept with Commander Fisher" she joked

* * *

Kim walked into Molly's, she was meeting Erin she saw her sitting at a table alone right by the door. Tay had been reassigned and tonight had been her last shift. Kim had gone in and told Voight she wanted intelligence, she couldn't keep hoping things would change when she did nothing to change them. She was doing enough of that with Adam, she didn't need to do it with her career as well.

"How are you doing with the whole Tay thing? I still can't believe there is nothing we can do" Erin asked as she saw her friend approach the table.

"I know, she's good police too. God only knows who I'm going to end up with now"

Kim scanned the bar, trying to convince herself she wasn't looking for Adam, but she was. When she finally found him, she wished she hadn't looked. Adam was at a table with Kevin. But they weren't alone, not by a long shot. Adam had the girl Kim recognised from a few weeks ago sitting on his knee, he had his arms lazily wrapped around her and he was laughing. He looked genuinely happy. Kim felt anything but happy, she felt jealous, angry, sad, regretful she felt a lot of things, but happy wasn't one of them.

"You okay?" Erin asked, she'd followed her eyes and found what Kim had been staring at. She couldn't for the life of her understand why they couldn't just work it out. Adam was trying his hardest to get over Kim, but everyone saw the looks they gave each other.

"Uh yeah I'm fine"

"Kim, why don't you guys talk about what happened? You still haven't even told him what Sean said when he left"

"That's because I have no idea what he meant by it"

"For one, the push test, that was a load of shit he made that up, a bronze medal is nothing to sneeze at? The list is a mile long Kim, and that's just the stuff you told me about. Talk to him"

"Look I've already had to relive my relationship with Adam today once with Tay. He's happy, he's moving on. As much as that hurts. Bringing this all up, it's not fair on him" she sighed "I need a drink, you want anything?" Kim made her way to the bar being sure to pick the spot furthest away from _that_ table.

Adam had been seeing Ainsleigh for about 3 weeks now, it wasn't coming naturally by any means, and he didn't feel much for her, but at least he didn't cringe every time she spoke.

"Do you want a drink Darlin?" He was still getting used to how that felt when he called someone other than Kim, Darlin. He knew he had to get over it though, and making new connections with others was the way to do that. Or so his cousin had told him when he'd asked for her advice

"I'm good thanks babe"

Adam turned to see Kim standing at the bar, he couldn't explain it but seeing her made his heart hurt. He tried to shake the feeling and walked up next to her, they were trying to forget everything. They were friends. Friends said hello.

"Hey you finally made it out of Platts clutches?" he joked trying to get a glimpse of the smile he still loved to see.

"Huh oh um yeah I guess"

"How are you?" Adam could tell something was wrong, she was upset about something.

"Good, you?" Kim responded blankly trying to hold it together. Adam was the last person she wanted to speak to right now. Actually that's not true, Ainsleigh would be the last person she'd want to speak to.

"Yeah I'm good. Just two beers and a moscato" Adam said to the bartender, Kim felt her composure slipping at that, something as simple as him buy her a drink upset her, she needed to get a grip "I can tell when you're lying. What's up?"

Another bartender brought back Kim's drink. "Thanks, you can keep the change" Kim said ignoring Adam completely. She couldn't speak to him, she needed to get away from him.

"Kim, what's wrong?" Adam pressed putting his hand on her back. She flinched away from it and picked up her drink.

"Have a good night Ruzek" she said with a fake smile and walked away.

Walking away from Adam she felt as though her heart was in a vice. She swallowed hard hoping to get the lump to move out of her throat so she could breathe again but she knew it was pointless, she was at her limit. She couldn't hold it together anymore, at least not tonight, she put her drink down on the closest table and hastily walked to the door.

"Kim" She heard Erin calling from behind her, but she couldn't go back, she couldn't go back into the bar, just like she couldn't go back to that night in the locker room.

Adam saw Kim hurry out of the bar, not even finishing her drink and while he knew he shouldn't, he took off after her.

"Kim" She kept walking she couldn't turn around and face him.

"Go back inside Adam"

"No, tell me what's wrong" he grabbed her arm and stopped her from walking. "What's going on with you?"

Kim took a deep breath, she knew Adam, if he decided he was going to find out what was wrong, he wouldn't stop until he did. She couldn't help but wish Adam had come out of the locker room that night with this much determination. She had given him the ring back, broken it off, hoping she was wrong. Hoping he would tell her she was crazy, that he did want to be on the hook, that he wanted to be married. He never did though; he had half assed attempts at work. He never called, and while Kim could tell he was upset, he wasn't upset enough to fight for her, to prove her wrong. She took a deep breath and prepared herself to lie.

"I just lost another partner, I'm going to end up with another douchebag, I thought I'd finally found a good one in Tay" Adam could tell she was lying, but whatever it was she didn't want to share it with him. She looked like she was about to burst into tears, and he wasn't what she needed if that happened. "Look Adam, go inside, you have a date, you shouldn't be following me." She pulled her arm out of his grasp and walked across the road to her car. Adam watched her drive away, the way she had said you have a date ringing in his head.


	4. Chapter 4

**I write different parts when they pop into my head and then trying to bridge them together is a bit difficult. I feel like I'm butchering my way through this but anyway, I'll keep going and hopefully get better quickly LOL.  
**

"Burgess! Perfect I need you" Erin said as Kim warily walked into the bullpen, Platt had barked at her that she was needed upstairs but hadn't elaborated in any way. Adam's head shot up at the mention of her name, Kim's eyes trained anywhere but in Adam's direction.

"I tried you on the weekend" Kevin paused "A couple of times" he said his eyes narrowing at her

"I did too" Erin added "I got dibs first" Erin walked towards Kim and all but pushed her into the break room and shut the door. "You have to talk to him"

"I had a migraine Erin"

"A migraine that sporadically came on the second you saw Adam with another woman?" Erin said sarcastically "I saw you talking to him at the bar, and I saw him follow you out."

"I had a headache when I got to Molly's, the noise from the bar made it worse" Kim lied and then realized she'd told Adam it was about Tay "And I was upset about Tay, just a mixture of things really"

"You do realize I'm a detective. Half my job is to know when people are lying. You admitted at Molly's it hurt he was moving on. Tell him that."

Kim sighed and nervously rested her hands on her belt. "It did hurt, for a minute, and now I'm fine. I'm focusing on me, on my career" Kim said confidently "I got to get back downstairs, I'm filling in with Martinez. Should be a riveting day on patrol" Kim said smiling, Erin looked at Kim sadly and nodded.

"Bye guys. Kev, I had a migraine, chill" Kim said as she walked into the bullpen and towards the stairs noticing the look on Kevin's face.

"You don't get migraines" Adam said accusingly

"First one, hurt like a bitch too" Kim casually answered as she started down the stairs "I'm coming over to do Vanessa's health project with her tonight Kev, I haven't forgotten" she said from halfway down the stairs.

"She didn't have a migraine" Adam said to no one in particular.

"Oh wow, promote Officer Ruzek to Detective ASAP, the guys a genius" Erin spat out as she walked passed.

"Burgess is going to have to work on her poker face if she's going to make it up here" Jay added

"I think she'll do fine" Erin scoffed "The only thing Kim can't lie about is Adam" Erin muttered to herself.

* * *

"Disco Bob" Platt called as she watched Bob Ruzek walk through the doors of the 21st late.

"Trudy, always lovely to see you"

Kim was grabbing a radio when she heard the exchange. She knew she had to turn around, but she really didn't want to. To say this was going to be awkward would be an understatement. She had already dealt with Adam related drama this morning.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Platt asked smiling

"I'm here to see that son of mine, he's dodging my calls. I figured one thing I could count on. He'd be at work"

"Skinny britches look its Papa Ruzek" Trudy grinned, she was going to thoroughly enjoy this. Kim turned around and glared at her, watching her pick up the phone to let Adam know.

"Bob. Hi. How are you?" Bob smiled brightly at the woman he knew was meant for his son, he knew his son was being hard headed, not wanting to chase after her when she'd given the ring back. He was being immature and just plain stupid if you asked Bob, not that Adam did, or wanted to listen to any of his advice for that matter. Bob had tried to talk Adam into fighting for her at one point only to have Adam through in his face his failed marriages.

"Kim, I'm good. How are you? She's right you do look a little skinner that when I last saw you" concern for her filling his voice as he pulled her into a hug.

"Oh, no I'm not. She's always calle…" Kim started as she pulled away from the hug awkwardly

"Pops, leave her alone" Adam interrupted as he bounded down the stairs.

"And the plot thickens" Platt laughs as she puts some nuts into her mouth. Kim shot Platt a look and Platt grinned even more.

"It was nice to see you Bob" Kim said awkwardly

"I'd be happier if I saw more of you" Bob smiled

"Pops" Adam glared at his father.

"I should get back to it, Martinez is waiting in the squad" Kim said awkwardly

"You're new partner is Martinez? What happened to his partner?" Adam asked concerned, he wanted someone a little more capable of backing up Kim than Martinez.

"Just a fill in. Riley's out sick" Kim answered and waved "Bye"

Adam watched her disappear and then led his father into the office opposite the front desk. "Thank you for that Pops, really you should stop by more often" Adam said sarcastically to his father.

"You should try being honest with that girl"

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and looked over at Platt staring at them, for someone who wasn't a gossip she did a lot of spying.

"Dad, come on, we've been over this. Kim broke it off, she moved on. I'm seeing someone else actually"

"Oh that's going to end well. Does she know you're still in love with Kim?" Bob asked his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Adam glared at his father "Did you come for a reason other than to lecture me about Kim?"

Bob sighed and Adam could see the pity in his father's eyes "You free for lunch?"

"I can't sorry, we have a heater up there. I can probably make a drink tonight though?"

"I'll let you know"

Adam breathed out a long breath when he father was gone; he ran his hands over his face trying to relive some of the tension. It shouldn't still be this hard he thought to himself.

* * *

Kim was standing at the front desk filing in paperwork, she was going to be staying at the station all shift doing paperwork. She still didn't have a partner, and no one was out sick so she was stuck on desk duty.

"Yo Burgess, we need you upstairs today. Can you spare her Sargent?" Kevin boomed as he bounded down the stairs.

"Oh no, you mean I don't get to have her stand there and mope for 6 more hours? That's really disappointing" Trudy said sarcastically "Go on house mouse, off you go"

"I'll go change out and meet you upstairs" Kim said happily. It had been a week since Bob was at the district. Kim had decided that while Adam wanted to try and be her friend, it just wasn't that easy for her, she needed to keep her distance. She was polite when they would bump into each other, but she was also impassive. Short and sweet was the best way to describe any interaction they had been having.

"Burgess, you ready to clock some overtime?" Voight said as Kim walked through the door into the bullpen after changing into plain clothes.

"Ah sergeant I'm on shift for another 6 hours yet" Kim said confused

"And I have a feeling you're going to be here a lot longer than that" Voight laughed "Ruzek, take Burgess downstairs and get her set up. Burgess I need you to listen to the wire for anything that might lead us to who is bringing in these drugs" Kim groaned internally she was thrilled with working upstairs but being alone with Adam sucked.

"You got it Boss. Come on" he grinned nodding his head towards the stairs. "So how are you?" he asked once they were in the stairwell.

"Good thanks" she answered blankly. Adam sighed and nodded

"I'm good too thanks for asking" Adam replied sarcastically laughing

"Sorry" Kim smiled making no attempt to continue the conversation.

Adam sighed and sat down at the computer, logged in and starting bringing up the wire live feed, he was clicking like crazy and Kim couldn't help but notice how much better he was on the computer.

"Wow, when did you learn how to do all this?" Kim asked shocked

"After we" Adam started and then redirected. "I sometimes sit down here with mouse and watch him, we put some form of sport on and drink beer, I guess I just picked some of it up" He said opening the small fridge to show her Mouse's stash. "It seems unethical now, but wait til you're still listening to this shit at 2 in the morning" Kim smiled awkwardly and nodded. He gave her the TV remote "It's got just about every channel, just don't tell anyone" He winked at her "You going to be okay down here?"

"Of course" she slipped into the seat and put the headphones on "Thanks" Adam pulled the headphones off.

"Dial 4 and you'll get me"

"And the others?" Kim asked and Adam frowned at her.

"Someone will answer mine if I'm not there" he paused and went to turn around "Kim, are you okay?" he felt like a broken record.

"I'm fine Adam" she breathed out.

"In past experiences, fine was never a good thing"

"I'm all good, really." Kim said and put the headphones back on turning away from Adam. I guess he's only forgetting all about us when it works for him, Kim thought bitterly to herself.

Adam pulled the headphones off again and turned her chair back around. "Because you know you could talk to me, if you weren't right?"

"I know, but seriously, I'm good"

"There was always going to be an adjustment period Kim" Adam said much softer than he had been speaking. He didn't even have to say what it was he was talking about, she knew.

"I know" she nodded playing with the cord from the headphones "But do you think maybe, instead of asking me if I'm ok all the time, can you just." Kim paused trying to find the words "Let me adjust". She felt the all to familiar lump in her throat and she hated the way Adam got past her walls, no matter how hard she tried to keep him out.

"Ruzek, get up here now" Jay's voice came through radio and Adam rubbed his face in frustration. This was the most honest conversation he was having with Kim in a long time and he didn't want it to end right when it had started.

"Ok, on my way" Adam answered the radio and started walking out.

"For the record, when I said forget about it, I only meant the bad parts. I could never forget about the any of the good stuff" Adam said from the door before he walked out leaving Kim's heart racing, as much as she wanted to keep herself closed off, she felt a small slither of hope creep in.


	5. Chapter 5

**You'll have to excuse if my grammar and editing isn't world class. I try, but I feel like I might miss the mark by a long shot 95% of the time. LOL  
**

 **3 weeks later**

"Ruzek, we need two couples to go under, Burgess and you, can you handle that?" Voight asked, it was barely a question though. Voight had recommended Antonio to ASA Stone to head up his investigation team and he knew he'd have an empty seat to fill soon. He wanted Burgess, but he needed to make sure it wouldn't come at the expense of Ruzek, he was keeping it under wraps at the moment, but he knew Stone would approach Tonio soon, and pretty soon after that the cat would be out of the bag, he knew Antonio would take it, he was struggling with his kids at the moment. Hank was beyond proud of the officer Adam had become, he reminded him of a younger, more honest version of himself.

"Not a problem at all Sarge, water under the bridge" Adam said casually feeling everyone's eyes on him for a reaction.

"We'll run through the plan in 20 mins, someone go tell her, she's on desk duty out the back"

Jay and Kev both turned to Adam with shit eating grins "Who's going to tell Burgess?" Jay asked amused

"I will" Erin said getting up and smacking Jay on the back of the head on the way past.

"Guys, seriously, we are trying to be friends, and it's not easy, but we have actually been getting there the last week or so. Rib me all you like, just keep it away from her yeah?" Adam warned with a serious tone.

"I don't understand why you're trying friends man, neither of you want to be friends. You never were friends, not really." Kev said leaning forward on his knees

"I'm seeing someone, remember?" Adam said referring to Ainsleigh, they were still very much a casual thing but it had been pushing 2 months now. "Besides Kim left me remember? I gave her a sparkly ring and she gave it back? Slept with Roman? Annihilated my heart? Ringing any bells?"

"Dude, I wish you could open your eyes" Jay said clapping his hand around Adam's shoulder as he walked into the break room.

* * *

"Do I need to get a defibrillator in here?" Adam teased poking his head around the corner of the lockers. Erin had been tight lipped about Kim's reaction but judging by Kim's face when she walked through the bullpen to the locker room, it wasn't something she was looking forward too. Adam had decided it was better to break the ice now than on the way to the party.

"You're ok with this?" He sighed and sat down next to her.

"It's not ideal, I'll admit that but we're friends" he paused the word friends still not sitting well with him "and you want intelligence. And if you want intelligence we need to prove to Voight that we can make it work." Kim felt the all too familiar lump in her throat returning at Adam's words.

"That's why he's putting us under together?"

"Well we do really need two couples, but I'd say he'll be watching to make sure it would work" Adam shrugged "Look if you can't do it, you just need to tell me, I can take the heat for you" Kim shook her head and Adam turned to walk away.

"Just can we have one rule?" Adam turned back to look at her "Tonight. Can you just. Just don't call me Darlin, please." Adam felt his chest tighten, all he could do was nod because he couldn't form words. He turned and walked out.

* * *

Kim and Adam were currently silently driving to his apartment, he didn't have a shirt he could wear that didn't smell or have stains on it. He now had a large bag sitting on the backseat of dirty washing because Kim had made him clean out his locker in disgust. She seemed to have loosened up a little since he talked to her, but she was still not herself.

On the drive over Voight had called and said to stall 20 minutes because there was a hold up at the station with Halstead and Lindsay leaving. They pulled up at Adam's building and Kim was really hoping he would leave the car running, signalling she didn't have to come up. He turned it off and Kim groaned internally, she didn't want to go back in the apartment, that was not going to help her situation.

"I'll just wait here, you won't be long"

"Kim. Get out of the car, its freezing. We have to wait for Halstead and Lindsay to leave the District and you're bouncing around like you do when you need to pee"

"I do not need to pee"

"So you're nervous?" Adam smirked

"I'm cold Adam" Kim glared

"Exactly, come on" Adam said getting out of the car. Kim groaned with defeat and got out of the car.

Walking into the apartment, Kim couldn't help but notice it was exactly the same. Adam starting taking his shirt off and threw it on the back of the couch as he walked down the hallway.

"You know where everything is if you want anything" he called out. Kim needed a moment, Adam half naked was not something she needed in her mind when she was about to have to pretend to be his girlfriend again. She went into the bathroom to calm down, she stood in front of the basin looking at herself in the mirror, she looked down and gasped. Her toothbrush. It was literally in the exact same spot. He had a new one, it was orange, he used to have a blue one. She picked it up and smiled. He was still holding on just as much as she was.

"Burgess, Ruzek you ready to roll out" Voight's voice came over the radio

"Yeah Boss, we'll leave my place now" Adam answered back "Kim we got to go" he said banging on the bathroom door on his way past.

Kim quickly put the toothbrush back down and followed Adam out of the apartment.

* * *

"So, is there anything else off limits?" Adam asked cautiously as they walked through the car park.

"Nope" Kim said happily, Adam had noticed how much more relaxed she was and he considered asking her if she'd stolen some whiskey from his apartment.

"Really nothing?" Adam asked wiggling his eyebrows

"You're hilarious"

"I'm just saying, if we had too. I would do anything, would you?" Adam smirked

"These jokes are so inappropriate, and unnecessary. We are not going to need to have sex in the club" she half laughed enjoying the banter, she felt a lot better knowing Adam was still holding onto pieces of her as well. That even if they didn't get back together, her feelings weren't totally one sided, that was enough. At least for right now anyway.

"Geez Burgess, I didn't say anything about sex. Get your head out of the gutter" he said sounding disgusted but smiling like a Cheshire cat.

"You are so not funny" Kim deadpanned. As the club doors came into view Adam slipped his hand into Kim's and intertwined his fingers with hers.

"Got to look the part" Adam grinned his hand tingling everywhere it was touching Kim's.

"Uh huh, whatever you got to believe" Kim said closing her fingers around his hand.

Two hours had gone past and Kim and Adam found themselves playing a dangerous game with each other. They needed to be close and appear to be a couple, but they were taking it a little further than necessary. Adam had started it by resting his hand on her very upper thigh at the bar, and Kim had continued it by telling him she liked his haircut and running her hand through his hair and playing with the nape of his neck, she knew he liked that. Since then they had been moving closer to each other and teasing each other relentlessly all while keeping an eye out for their target. The plan was to take down two lower level dealers and then hopefully get them to flip on the higher up guys, this would usually be taken care of by narcotics but being that the drugs had been circulated around at high school parties and they'd had three 16 year olds die, the commander wanted a lid on it ASAP.

"Jay we got eyes on Tyler, he's next to the DJ booth" Adam said to Jay on the phone.

"Ok, you move closer, we got eyes on Dylan, keep your phone on" Jay said and hung up.

Adam hung up and groaned internally, Kim was driving him crazy, crazier than he was letting on, and he was sure she didn't know how badly he wanted her.

"We got to move over closer" Adam said grabbing Kim's hand and walking towards the dance floor, once they got there he stopped for a moment to get her to walk ahead of him. Kim smiled as she walked ahead and then started holding hers and Adams hands against her very lower back. She felt Adam's grip on her hand get tighter. They found a bar table off to the side of the dance floor with a perfect view of Tyler.

"Only one chair, you sit down" Adam said to Kim

"Nah, that's okay I want to stand" she smiled and started moving her hips to the music right in front of Adam. He groaned quietly and tried to look anywhere but at Kim's hips moving to the music. After 10 minutes Adam couldn't handle it anymore, he reached out and pulled her hips back into him.

"You are driving me crazy and you know it" he said in her ear and her whole body got goose bumps and her breathing hitched. Adam noticed and smiled, he was getting to her too, that at least made his situation a little less… challenging.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Kim smiled. "He just made a deal"

"What deal?" Adam asked confused and completely distracted by Kims body pressed into him.

"He just made a deal and he's moving, let's go"

Adrenalin replaced every other feeling inside both of their bodies and they took off across the club. 

* * *

Kim walked into Molly's scanning the bar, she needed a drink, or actually she needed a lot of drinks.

"Sorry I'm late Platt had Sorenson and I redoing reports I don't think she's ever going to get sick of busting my balls" Kim said as she flopped down at the table Sylvie and Reese were sitting at.

"You don't have balls to bust" Reese stated confused

"You tell Platt that" Kim laughed, Reese's face still confused "It's a figure of speech, you know what? It doesn't matter" They all laughed at that. Kim causally scanning the bar, she knew he was here, she couldn't explain it but she still knew when Adam was around. Since they went undercover their 'friendship' had taken a completely different turn, instead of hiding from each other, they sought each other out.

"Oohh if it isn't my all-time favorite partner" Kevin boomed from behind Kim.

"Jesus, Kevin. You are so loud, and it's like that annoying loud" Kim complained pressing her finger to her ear a couple of times.

"I'm going to go with second favorite partner of all time" Adam said slipping onto the stool next to Kim grinning at her.

"Sorry bro, my bad, yeah second favorite" Kev said tapping his chest with the back of his hand

"What? You're kidding right?"

"I'm sorry Burgess, he's my brother from another mother"

"You used to say I was your sister from another mother" Kim deadpanned

"Oh wow, now I feel like I'm being played" Adam said faking shock.

"Yeah, see maybe Adam and I are each other's favorite partners" Kim said grinning, until she realized what she'd just said "I mean because we were partners on patrol that day, remember? We had crossing guard duty and that robbery remember? I didn't mean, oh god" she downed the rest of her almost full drink. Everyone else was trying to stifle their laughter.

"So I'm Kev's favorite and your favorite. I am just that awesome. We were also partners last night too, can't forget that too" Adam laughed winking at Kim, he was buzzed, Kev and him had been playing a drinking game with Severide and Capp and it had ended with them forgetting about the game and just downing shots. Kim felt herself get butterflies and wished that it took more than Adam winking at her for her to feel that way.

"I got to take a leak" Adam declared "You're still my favorite partner in every sense of the word" Adam whispered in Kim's ear. Kim couldn't help the smile that came to her face as Adam walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

**I've taken a few liberties in changing Kim's nieces age lol. A 5 year old worked far better for me and what I wanted to happen lol. Also, this chapter was so hard to write, I didn't want to have things not make sense too much but I didn't want to go into the heavy stuff of 4.08 too much either. I also didn't want to put in the final little twist, I know I said it contained spoilers, but, still felt wrong haha. This is the last part that has anything to do with what's currently happened on the show so from now on it will be less assuming you've watched all the episodes.**

There was an active shooter targeting the CPD and everyone was on edge. Adam was going crazy thinking about Kim, she was out on patrol and he was terrified this nut job, was going to attack. The lines of friendship and something more had blurred a lot since the party, and even more so in the last week. They had started texting again, and while it was just things to make the other one laugh at random times during the day, it was a slippery slope for them. Adam felt like he was slowly losing his ability to keep her at arm's length and today wasn't going to help that.

He was on hold to CPIC and he pulled his phone out, he couldn't take it anymore.

 **-You doing ok? Where are you?-**

Kim was happy to hear from Adam, today was an awful day, and everyone was on edge. This was the first message they'd exchanged that didn't involve a funny picture or story. She tried not to read too much into it, she was trying not to read too much into any of what had been happening between her and Adam at the moment

 **-I'm fine. Do you know anything more yet? We are patrolling in Bridgeport-**

He wished she had a better partner. As much as he hated Roman and the fact that he'd had his hands on her. At least after Kim had been shot, Roman was very protective of her, he was a good cop. He would of kept Kim safe, he needed Kim to be safe.

 **-Just you and the knucklehead? Not a lot at the moment, we are on it though. Be careful out there-**

Kim smiled at his use of her term to describe Sorenson.

 **-Yeah, lucky me right? I'm always careful. You should try it, today is a great day to start-**

Adam smiled at her response, she always used to be at him when he'd come home with black eyes or busted ribs claiming if he wasn't so overzealous he wouldn't get hurt so often.

 **-You should be with more than just that putz. I'm always careful ;)-**

"Boss, do you think we should put patrol into groups of four rather than just partners, you know having more eyes on each other" Adam said to Voight as he walked back into the bullpen.

"Yeah that's a good idea Ruzek, make that happen on my orders" Voight said walking into his office.

"You got it Boss" Kev gave Adam a knowing smile "Shut up Kev, you know it makes sense" Adam picked up the phone.

"It's a good idea Dawg, I'm just curious what you were doing on your phone when you came up with it, you were alternating between goofy smile and concerned pretty rapidly" Adam flipped him off and leaned over his desk to get out of Kev's line of sight.

* * *

Intelligence had been called out to an abandoned SUV that patrol had found in a dead end alley. Adam had been torn between happy to see with his own eyes Kim was okay, and worried that she was there. They approached the car and were hit with heavy fire from above, Riley being struck in the head. Riley had died before she'd hit the ground they had just found out, at the time they didn't know that. Kim had dragged her in the squad car with Martinez and held her head the entire drive to the hospital.

They now had someone who they were pretty sure was their guy, they were rolling out in 10 minutes. Kim walked into the locker room and saw Adam hunched over the basin, gripping the sides of it tightly.

"You okay?" Kim said from her locker just a few metres away.

Adams head shot up to look at her in the mirror "Yeah, I was worried about you actually, I just heard about Riley, you okay?"

"I kind of knew, it was hard to not assume the worst" Kim paused her stomach churning, she ran to the trashcan and threw up.

"Here" Adam said quickly hurrying over to her and offering her some hand towel, he put his hand on her back and started rubbing it without even thinking.

"Mike just quit. Gave his badge back to Platt" Kim said darkly.

"Seriously? Today?" Adam felt his blood pressure rise.

"I'm cursed" Kim paused "Please tell me you guys have something. That you know who's doing this?" Kim said desperately.

"We do, we are about to roll out, I have to go. You going to be okay?" Adam asked still rubbing her back

"Yeah, fine. I'm fine."

"Alright, I got to get out there. I'll talk to you later" Adam said and without thinking he pressed a kiss to her hair, he went to walk out the door but ran into Trudy. "Sorry Sarge" he said moving around her and heading out.

"You okay Burgess?"

"Yeah fine"

"You sure you know what you're getting into with that one?" she asked with concern filling her voice. She'd heard and seen most of the exchange between them.

"No, no idea" Kim half laughed "But I can handle it, whatever it is" Kim said trying to convince herself and Platt at the same time.

* * *

They were heading out to the memorial service for the two fallen officers, Kev and Adam walked down the stairs and out past the front desk when Trudy called out for Adam and ushered him into the empty office opposite her desk.

"This. What I'm about to do. It doesn't leave this room. Got it?"

"Ok" Adam said cautiously, he didn't like the sounds of this.

"Burgess and I… She's… I care about Kim a lot. And I see what has been happening between you and her the last few weeks, and originally I was happy you two halfwits were finally going to get you're act together, until I saw you with that other girl. Two times now" Platt said.

"Burgess and I are just friends" Adam defended

"If that's true, and that's all you want. Then leave her alone Adam. I don't want to see Kim the way she was after your broken engagement again"

"She was fine after _she_ broke of the engagement" Adam said exaggerating the she in order to get his point across.

"Fine?" Platt scoffed "Yeah, she was just dandy" she said rolling her eyes at his stupidity. "If you want to have another go at being happy with Kim, I'm all for that. But if you're going to keep seeing that girl and string Kim along until you get bored, that's not ok. And you should care more about her than that, even as a _friend_ " Platt said using Adam's technique on him.

Adam couldn't handle her making Kim out to be a victim anymore and he snapped at her. "Sarge, she slept with Roman, and I found out in that courtroom, I'd spent the day with her before trying to help her get through it and she said nothing. She let me walk in there with no clue as to what was going to happen"

"And that was a shitty thing to do" Platt nodded with little sympathy "And if you can't forgive that. That's understandable. But you need to stop pretending like there's a chance you can then."

Adam nodded.

"I like you Ruzek, but I love Burgess. Even if the reason as to why I do completely baffles me" Platt says patting him on the back and walking out.

* * *

Adam was sitting at the table across from Al when he heard the exchange between Voight and Kim. His heart was in his throat and he thought he would throw up. "Did he just offer her a job in intelligence?" he asked himself, he hadn't even thought about Antonio leaving meaning they needed another body. I mean, it had been a busy day and he'd had about a million other things running through his head. He hated the way Kim could make him feel a million different emotions all at once. He was happy for her and glad she wouldn't have to endure anymore shitty partners or 'knuckleheads' like Sorensen. Part of him was glad that he'd get to see her face a lot more but a big part of him was terrified what that would mean for them. He knew he loved Kim and he knew he wanted to be with Kim, more than anyone else. But could he forgive her? Could he honestly say he could move past this? That he could trust her with his whole heart again?

The answer to those questions caused him a lot more pain than he expected. He finished the rest of his drink and then said goodbye to Al and Kev and congratulated Antonio one more time. He left the bar without saying a word to Kim.

* * *

Kim was sitting on her couch in her sweats, her hair piled on top of her head eating cookie dough ice cream when there was a knock on the door. Adam had disappeared from the bar last night without a word, no congratulations or anything. The last time they had spoken was when she'd thrown up and he'd kissed her head when he left. Now? Radio silence, she'd sent him two unanswered text messages and couldn't shake the feeling he wasn't happy about her making it into intelligence.

"Who the hell is that" Kim muttered to herself as she walked to the door.

"Aunty Kim" Zoe yelled when she opened the door "Wow you do look tragic" she said when she pulled back.

"Zoe" Liana scolded. "I didn't say that" she said looking at her sister.

"No, of course you didn't" Kim scoffed "Hey Tink, why do I look tragic"

"Mom said" she called from the couch already with a mouthful of Kim's ice cream

"Zoe" Liana scolded again "Seriously, you're eating ice cream on the couch? Straight out of the tub? Why aren't you dressed?"

"Dressed?" Kim asked thoroughly confused.

"You're taking Zoe to the FOP picnic today. She is staying with you for the weekend" Liana said annoyed at her sisters forgetfulness.

"Oh shit, yeah no, I remembered that." Kim said walking into the living room "But I'm sure Zoe doesn't want to go to the dumb FOP picnic right Tink?" Kim asked praying she would say no.

"Seriously? I love them! I'm so excited" she started jumping up and down. Kim was so not mentally prepared to have a 5 year old for the weekend.

"What I had originally said to Zoe was maybe you wouldn't look so tragic today. You just landed your dream job, why do you still look like a slob"

"Wow. There's a loving sister comment" Kim scoffed sarcastically "I was just relaxing, we had a horrible day yesterday, and while yes, I got my dream job I still don't feel good about someone targeting CPD and killing two of our own"

"Fair enough" she shrugged "But tell me you're going to get changed to go to the picnic"

"Shut up Liana, of course I am. You can leave now" Kim said annoyed but smiling.

Liana said goodbye to Zoe and gave Kim the same list she gave her every time she had Zoe.

"Try to keep her away from bombs" Liana said smirking.

"Never going to be funny Liana, like not even slightly funny" Kim deadpanned, she hated that joke, her sister and brother in law for some stupid reason thought it was a laugh riot though. Kim closed the door on her sister and sighed, well at least maybe Adam would be there and she could find out what was up with him she thought as she went into the bedroom to get dressed after turning on kids shows for Zoe.


	7. Chapter 7

"Aunt Kim I want to go get some fairy floss" Zoe said bouncing up and down, they had literally just sat down with Erin and Jay.

"Jesus, she's like an energizer bunny" Jay said laughing.

"An energizer bunny who is so not getting fairy floss." She turned to her niece to still the bouncing

"Can I go practice my cartwheels over there?"

"Sure"

"She's fantastic birth control" Jay said laughing "Could you imagine how exhausting she would be all day everyday"

"Her parents don't get back until tomorrow night. I don't know how I'm going to get through it" Kim said laughing

"Are you excited for Monday?" Erin asked

"Yes and no... Did Adam say anything to you guys about it?" Kim asked casually, everyone had noticed what was going on between them but no one was saying anything. Before either of them could answer Kim saw Zoe take off. "Zoe" she yelled jumping up from her seat.

"Adam" Zoe squealed running across the park. Kim looked for him and found him crouched down with his arms open Zoe throwing herself into them, Kim smiled and started walking in their direction but then she noticed Ainsleigh. Her heart dropped and so did her smile, she wanted to walk in the opposite direction and pretend she hadn't seen them, but considering Adam was now holding her niece that wasn't really an option. Had she imagined something was happening between them? Was Adam just messing with her?

"Good lord Tink what have you been eating? You weigh a tonne" Adam joked as pretended like she was too heavy to keep holding.

"Aunt Kim's ice cream" Zoe giggled out "Oh and lollies and chocolate milk. Aunt Kim wouldn't let me have fairy floss though, can you buy me some?" Adam was always amazed out how quickly Zoe talked when she was excited, and he always brought her whatever she asked for, well he did when they were together.

"And get in trouble with your Aunt? I'll be right thanks" Adam said laughing as he started tickling her in his arms, he stopped when Kim got to them and put Zoe down.

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeee" Zoe begged "You always get out of trouble quicker than anyone else" Zoe added grabbing his hand and holding it while she jumped up and down.

"Zoe. Stop." Kim said firmly before turning to Adam and Ainsleigh "Sorry, she took off before I could stop her" Kim forced a smile and Adam could see in her eyes how much this was hurting her. He felt like an even bigger ass than he thought he would. "Come on Tink, I'll buy you the Fairy Floss. Let's go." Ainsleigh slipped her hand into Adam's and Adam had to resist the urge to pull it away.

"Who's that?" Zoe asked angrily. Adam felt his heart start thundering against his chest, he'd prepared himself for Kim. He prepared himself to see the hurt in her eyes, he wasn't prepared for Zoe.

"I'm Ainsleigh, it's nice to meet you" she said holding her hand out to Zoe. Zoe looked at her hand and screwed her face up.

"So you really don't love Aunt Kim anymore?" Zoe asked sadly looking at Adam, Adam felt his chest tighten and suddenly he questioned every decision he'd made to get here today with Ainsleigh. How the hell do I answer that? he thought his mind racing.

"Oh god Tink let's go" Kim said embarrassed "Sorry" grabbing Zoe's hand and pulling her away, not giving Adam a chance to say anything, she didn't need to hear him say it, he'd made it perfectly clear bringing her here.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know he had another girlfriend" Zoe said when they got half way across the park, Kim felt herself crumble at the way Zoe said that, she sounded sad, defeated. She didn't realize Zoe had been holding onto the hopes Adam would come back too. Suddenly her feelings were the least of her worries. She stopped and crouched down next to her.

"Hey, don't be sad about it" Kim forcing a smile and tucking some hair behind her ear. "I'm okay"

"But that's why you've been sad, why you look sad now" Zoe asked and Kim didn't know how to answer it. "What do you want?" Zoe said rudely looking behind Kim. Kim turned to see Adam standing there.

"Come on Tink, don't be rude to him" Kim turned to Adam "What's up?" She said trying to act carefree and unbothered.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Adam asked pleading with his eyes.

"Zo, can you go practice your cartwheels again, just for a second and then we'll go" Kim asked Zoe and then watched her walk away and starting practicing.

"Kim, I'm sorry. I should have told you about her" Adam said shoving his hands in his pocket "I heard you got a promotion, congratulations"

Kim stared at him, trying to figure out what to do, what to say. Had he been doing this to get back at her? She couldn't help but notice the striking resemblance between Adam in the courtroom and her right now. She opened her mouth to speak a couple of times but kept changing her mind about what should come out. Adam could feel his palms sweating waiting for her to actually form words.

"Thanks." She said quietly, saying anything more seemed pointless. "I should get back to Zoe" she turned to walk away.

"Kim" Adam grabbed her wrist, Kim felt herself begin to fall apart the second he touched her, she couldn't hold her tongue.

"We're even now right? That's what this was about? I hurt you, you hurt me back" Kim could feel her eyes welling up and biting the inside of her cheek was doing nothing to stop it.

Adam dropped her wrist, her words slicing through him. "No I would…"

"Aunt Kim, I don't feel great" Zoe interrupted coming over looking like she was about to hurl, cartwheels had not been a good idea the second time around.

"Oh sweetheart, I knew you shouldn't have eaten so much junk. Come on, let's get you home" Kim sighed

"I don't want to walk" Zoe whined, Kim picked her up. "Bye Adam, sorry for being mean to your girlfriend"

"It's okay Tink, I hope you feel better" he said waving as they walked away. He watched them until they were in Kim's car and out of sight. Adam ran his hands through his hair, and walked back over to where he'd left Ainsleigh, explaining this to her was not how he'd seen his Saturday unfolding.

* * *

Erin and Kev were sitting at a table watching the exchange unfold, and while they couldn't hear what was going on, they were pretty sure they got the gist of it.

"How much worse you reckon that was than it looked?" Kev asked grimacing

"Oh so much worse" Erin scoffed out.

They watched Adam grab her hand and walk off towards his car.

"You reckon he was just messing with her these last couple of weeks?" Erin asks her annoyance at Ruzek becoming apparent.

"Nah, he's still in love with her, he's just an idiot" Kev laughed darkly. "How bad you reckon Monday is going to be?"

Erin groaned just thinking about it.

* * *

Adam walked into the kitchen with two coffees in his hands, he knew she would be here early being her first day and he wanted to talk to her before everyone else got there.

"I got your favourite coffee" Adam said holding one of the coffees out to her with how nervous he was, anyone would guess it was his first day.

Kim looked at the coffee and sighed "Give it to Erin, it's her favourite too" Kim poured herself coffee from the jug

"How was Tink? I can't believe how much she's grown"

Kim looked up at Adam and he noticed the look of defeat in her eyes.

"Please stop"

"I should have said something about Ainsleigh, I shouldn't have taken her yesterday" Adam said breathing out loudly

"Look Adam. I'm out, whatever we have been doing. I can't" Kim paused and swallowed the lump she could feel forming in her throat

"We said it would take time to adjust Kim"

"I'm not going to adjust to this Adam" Kim snapped "I don't want to be your friend and I really don't want you to be bringing me coffee, I don't think your girlfriend would either." Kim walked out into the bullpen just as Erin and Jay were walking in. Adam threw the coffee he brought her into the bin and stormed back to his desk.


	8. Chapter 8

**Well here is a short chapter, I'm struggling to make this story readable, I have a whole heap of different parts written which are all pretty much dialogue and getting them to then be a story and not just a bunch of lines is hard. I've been sitting on this for days, hoping to make it better, but I don't think it's going to happen so I'm just going to post it..**

"Alright listen up, we're going to have some changes up here now Burgess is here" Voight said coming out of his office. "Al has been put on mandatory furlough for 3 weeks. Burgess you need to shadow Atwater and Ruzek"

"What? Why not Halstead and Lindsay?" Adam blurted out before he could even stop himself.

Voight narrowed his eyes at him "Because I said Ruzek, that a problem?"

"Uh No, just curious" Adam said tapping the pencil against the desk annoyed.

"I think what Ruzek meant was, would it be better if Burgess learnt from Halstead and Lindsay, seen as though they have seniority?" Kev said trying to bail Adam out of his current mess, he loved Burgess, but the idea of being stuck in between those two was already giving him a headache. Burgess shot Kev an annoyed look and he gave her an apologetic smile.

Voight just stared at him with an icy glare.

"The way you and Ruzek are acting you'd think you've got seniority over me" Voight snapped "Ruzek. Burgess. My office. Now" He stormed back into his office and sat down at his desk. Kim and Adam walked into the room sheepishly, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know they were about to be chewed out.

"Shut the door"

"I asked you both, separately if you could work together. What the hell was that Ruzek?" Adam was sure shutting the door had done nothing, everyone would be able to hear.

"Sorry Boss, it won't happen again. We can work together." Voight eyed him and then looked at Kim.

"What about you? You sure you can make this work? Ambitions aside Burgess… I don't want this team to fall apart because you two can't put you're past behind you" Voight's words stung but Kim nodded confidently.

"Trust me Sargent, it will be like nothing ever happened"

"Alright. This is the first and last warning. Next one to rock the boat goes back on Patrol for a week… Get out"

They walked out and Adam went straight into the locker room. Jay gave Kevin a look and he nodded.

"I'll go" he said standing.

Kim sat down at her new desk and Erin came over and sat on the end of it.

"You okay?"

"Fine"

"You left the FOP picnic in a hurry"

"Zoe was sick, too much sugar and cartwheels" she forced a laugh and Erin nodded sadly. Kim was the queen of holding everything to herself, it was what got her into this mess in the first place. She was going to talk about it unless she wanted too, and it was obvious she didn't want too.

* * *

As Kev approached the locker room he heard and loud bang, he knew that noise that was someone punching a locker. He heard it frequently; these lockers were used to being used as punching bags, especially by intelligence.

"Voight will kick your arse if he sees you doing that"

"I don't want to care anymore Kev, I just want to forget about her… How the hell am I going to do that if she's up here all the time, and if she's what sitting in the back seat of the impala? This is fucked up, I agreed to work with her, not be her fucking training buddy" he spat out

"You brought this back on yourself… If I didn't know you still loved her I'd throw fists at you man. I can't even imagine what it would look like to Kim"

"What do you think it would look like?"

"Like you were trying to get back at her… like you took Ainsleigh to the FOP picnic to hurt her… like you were toying with her, knowing full well she was still in love with you"

"I thought I could try to forgive her… I can't though… Ainsleigh… she's nice, she's helping me move on… I need to move on"

"You owe it to both of them to be honest with yourself Bro. Owe it to yourself too, don't say you can't forgive her, you can. You're just too scared to forgive her" Kev said walking out of the locker room. Adam slammed his locker shut and walked back to his desk, being careful not to even glance in Kim's direction. Maybe Kev was right, maybe he was too scared to forgive her, too scared that forgiving her could end up being a painful repeat of the past. He didn't think he could live through that again.

* * *

It had been a few days, and things were still just as hard. Neither of them spoke all that much to each other, and intelligence having no case so far had been a blessing. They hadn't had to go on any field work together, everyone had just been catching up on paperwork.

Adam rolled over in his sleep trying to stop the shrill noise tearing through the silence in his bedroom. He looked at the screen through squinted eyes and his heart sped up. It was Kim, he looked at the time, 2am.

"You okay?" he asked his voice filled with worry.

"Fine. We have a case, Voight wants us to meet him at the crime scene. I've already called Kev, and Erin and Jay but they can't get me. My car is in the shop, can you… can you pick me up?"

Adam scrubbed his hair viciously over his face. "What's wrong Babe? Come back to sleep" Ainsleigh said not realising he was even on the phone.

Kim's breath hitched in her throat. "Actually, I'll catch a taxi. I'll text you the address for the crime scene" Adam hated what he heard in her voice, he hated that this still hurt her, that it still hurt both of them.

"No it's okay" Adam tried to get out but she had already hung up, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Who was that?" Ainsleigh asked sitting up pulling the covers up over her chest.

"Work. We caught a crime scene"

"But who was that?"

"Burgess" Adam replied blankly

"I like you Adam, and I know this still new, but I don't want to keep going if you're still in love with someone else"

"I told you I wasn't over my ex when we got together Ainsleigh" he snapped pinching the bridge of his nose. He was too busy worrying about Kim being in a taxi alone at 2 in the morning to deal with this now.

"Yes, but I was under the impression you were going to at least try get over her" Ainsleigh said just above a whisper, and he felt bad for snapping at her. He really should cut Ainsleigh loose; he knew that, this wasn't fair to her. But if he did that, he had no hope of getting over Kim. There was at least some moments with Ainsleigh where he forgot about Kim, those moments would be gone if he let her go.

"Trust me, I'm trying okay" he said sitting on the edge of the bed "I really am"

"Just tell me I'm not wasting my time" she said resting her hand on his cheek.

"You're not… I have to go though. I need to get to work, maybe I'll get back before you have to leave for work. Depends how bad the case is" he kissed her lightly "Try get some more sleep"

She lied back in the bed and sighed, he was going to ruin her, she could feel it coming, but she couldn't walk away.


	9. Chapter 9

**For some reason this chapter isn't uploading properly, this is my 4th attempt, so I'm hoping this time it will work.**

 **Turns out I just needed to stop sitting on that previous chapter and then I would be able to make it happen from there.**

Adam walked into the house, finding Voight, Erin and Jay standing in the living room. He was about to ask what happened until he saw three dead bodies living on the ground, and a fourth in the hallway. Voight nodded at him on his way past.  
"Where's Burgess?" Jay asked looking behind him.

"She didn't want a ride from me, catching a taxi apparently" Jay gave him an annoyed look "You really think I wanted her to catch one? I tried... she hung up. Why couldn't you pick her up anyway?"

"We thought you two might actually talk."

"Oh good plan. She better get here ok" Adam snapped "I'll go interview neighbours, see what they heard" Adam walked out the front, as she was pulling up in the taxi. He walked over to her and waited for her to pay.

"Hey" she said as she went to walk past him

"I need you to come interview neighbours, 4 DOA in there, forced entry, nothing taken, come on" he said nodding to the crowd of people gathered outside the police tape.

* * *

Everyone had bailed on Kim and Adam at the house after they were finished and Kim had begrudgingly got into Adam's car to drive back to the district. They had called some form of silent truce once again and had been making small talk, completely ignoring the conversation this morning, and that Ainsleigh had obviously stayed the night at his place.

"What's wrong with your car?"

"One of the little lights were flashing at me"

Adam scrunched his forehead up "Please tell me you didn't go to that mechanic that ripped you off last time, and say that."

"Well I don't know what else I was meant to say. He said it was an engine or maybe an oil problem. I don't know he was going to fix it though"

"He should have told you what was wrong with it before you told him to fix it. An engine problem is so much bigger than an oil problem, you should know which one it is"

"Is engine oil a thing?"

"Yes" he laughed

"I'm pretty sure that's what it is."

"You took it back to that guy didn't you?" he asked again

"Yep" she popped her lips at the end

"You like throwing your money at him aimlessly?" Adam asked sarcastically.

"I do actually" she said "An added bonus is pissing you off" she laughed, Adam felt a smile engulf his face, he loved it when she smiled, but her laugh was like a drug to him. He'd missed it, more than he wanted too, and way more than he should.

"I'm sorry about this morning." Adam blurted out.

"Don't be" Kim said her smile fading and looking out the window, she didn't want Adam to see what he knew he would if she was looking at him. Hurt. "You don't have to apologise for being in bed with your girlfriend Adam" the words left a horrible taste in her mouth.

"She's not…"

"Not something I need to know about… Whatever she is… She's not something you need to say sorry for. Let's just forget about it" Kim said putting her hand up to stop him talking.

"Ok" Adam said defeated.

The rest of the ride back to the district was silent and Kim barely waited for the car to get into park before she opened the door and bolted out of the car.

* * *

Kim was trying not to be curious where Adam had disappeared too, but she was failing miserably.

She was wondering if he would be off seeing Ainsleigh, they had to work all night so maybe he was going to see her before they had to start their surveillance. Kim and Adam had been assigned to do it at one of the 3 houses they had identified as next possible hits for the crew they were looking for. Kev's sister was sick so he couldn't do it with them, Erin and Jay were taking the other house and Al was going to sit on the other with Hank, he was on furlough but he was having a tough time staying away.

Adam bounded up the stairs with a massive grin on his face. Kim tried to ignore him, she hated that she wasn't the reason he had that look on his face anymore.

"It's parked next to my car, the light was faulty. Not the car. That guy is a dick" Adam said sitting on the end of her desk dangling her keys off his pinky finger.

"You went and picked up my car?" Kim asked, she hated the butterflies she felt at him being so nice to her, and she hated that she was relived Ainsleigh wasn't the reason for his smile.

"Yeah, he replaced the light, and didn't charge you." Adam grinned back at her.

Kim looked around the bullpen and saw Erin looking at her. Erin snapped her eyes away and looked at the computer.

This wasn't Adam's job, he couldn't do stuff like this for her and have a girlfriend, he couldn't give her so many mixed signals.

"Thank you" Kim stood up and walked into the locker room. Adam looked at Erin.

"What did I do? I was trying to be nice?" Adam said annoyed

"You can't be nice like that anymore Adam, she needs to find someone else to be that type of nice to her" Erin shook her head and headed downstairs.

Adam hated the idea of Kim finding anyone else, he knew it wasn't fair, and he knew it was only a matter of time, but the idea made his skin crawl. Adam went into the locker room and found Kim standing at her locker staring into it. She looked up at him and sighed.

"I know you were trying to be nice, but you can't do that, it's not fair. I'm trying Adam, I'm really trying" Kim shut her locker and turned to lean against it.

"I'm sorry" he moved closer to her standing on the other side of the bench seat in front of her locker. He flicked his eyes away for a second and then brought them back to hers. Adam tried to tell himself he should walk out. His gaze kept flicking between her lips and her eyes.

"I'm sorry about this too"

Before Kim had a chance to ask what he meant, Adam pulled her into him and kissed her.

Oh, yeah he was an idiot, and he was well aware of that. But it didn't stop him from kissing her with everything he had. He kept his mouth on her, taking in her scent and taste all at once.

This was a terrible idea and there were several reasons for that. One was because they had to be trapped in a car together all night and there was no way he was going to be able to focus on what they were meant to be doing now that his mouth had been occupied with hers, another was how mad Kim was going to be at him once she finally pushed him away, then there was Ainsleigh, this was not him trying to get over Kim.

Kim pushed him hard in the chest away from her and Adam looked into her eyes trying to assess the damage he'd done, he found a lot of anger in them, but what he saw more of was desire, desire neither of them wanted to be there. Desire that didn't seem like it had dissipated at all in the last year since their broken engagement, despite everything that had happened. "Why would you do that?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"That's why I said sorry in advance" it wasn't an answer to her question, but it was at least confirmation that he knew he shouldn't have done it. Kim pressed her lips into a tight line and glared at him, Adam was trying to think of something better he could say but all he could think about was that he could still taste her on his lips, his eyes flickered down her body and Kim glared at him.

"You are a jerk Adam Ruzek" she snapped and walked out of the locker room back into the bullpen.


	10. Chapter 10

Neither of them had mentioned the kiss, they had been sitting in the car for two hours and neither of them had said anything to each other aside from the bare necessities for the case. Adam was trying to figure out what he could say, but he had nothing. She couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Why didn't you come after me?... That night in the locker room when I gave the ring back… You said nothing… You let me walk out" Kim asked her forehead bunching up.

He brought the binoculars back up to his eyes "We are not having this conversation now, we are working"

She was sick of the stonewalling, he kissed her, he didn't get to just try and shove everything back into the confines of the box they'd locked it all in, it was out and Kim was going to get answers.

"We were also working when you decided to kiss me, didn't seem to stop you" Kim snapped back and Adam ignored her.

"I was right wasn't I? You didn't want to get married?" Kim asked quietly, she didn't want the answer, but she knew she needed to hear him say it.

"What the fuck gave you that impression Kim? Because I was the one who brought you the ring remember?" Adam spat out at her.

"And then you acted like your feet were made of fucking stone Adam"

"Oh really? You're the one who pushed the wedding back… twice!" Adam spat out at her shoving two fingers up.

"Oh you were really torn up about that too" Kim scoffed.

"What the hell does that mean?" Adam asked with venom.

"You acted like it was no big deal and you couldn't have agreed quicker."

"So you wanted me to disagree with you? You were asking to push the wedding back, to 'make sure we get everything right' so that I would say no?... That makes no fucking sense Kim"

Kim stared at Adam, when he said it, it sounded completely barbaric. It sounded like she was a lunatic.

"The next time you brought it up, I ignored pushing it any further and told you, you were the best thing in my life… Wait, was that some kind of fucking test?" Adam seethed further.

"What about the apartments? You didn't even want to move in together" Kim asked clinging to something that would mean she hadn't over reacted so dramatically.

"I don't like moving. You were always with me anyway, how many times did I ask you to just move in with me until we found a place, you kept going on about needing a place of our own."

Kim stared at him blankly again. He had reasonable answers for everything.

"You cancelled the dinner with my Mom, your Dad couldn't make it. But that didn't mean you couldn't have come"

"That. That I will cop too… Hardly warrants giving the ring back though" Adam spat out, looking back through the binoculars. "I hope you're taking photos of this" Kim quickly picked up the camera and took photos of the people leaving, once they were gone she put down the camera and took a deep breath and decided to just rip off the band-aid. If she was ever going to get over Adam, she needed to know she tried everything, she needed to tell him everything.

"I'm sorry about that day in court... I… When you showed up at the zoo, I was a mess… I couldn't have told anyone what I needed to help me through it, but you showed up and you just knew… you knew exactly what I needed to hear, you knew how to make me laugh, how to ease my fears… I should have told you, I thought about telling you, but the selfish part of me… it won out, I knew you would hate me after I told you… I wanted to put that off as long as possible… I needed you…" Kim eyes trained at the house, anything to not have to look at Adam.

"Did you love him?"

"Sean?" Kim asked shocked, Adam nodded but not before he screwed his face up at her using his first name. "No. Not at all, he was… there… we only slept together once, I know that doesn't make any difference, but it was once, the night before the shooting… You told him he could have me, do you have any idea how much that hurt?"

"Don't talk to me about how much things hurt Kim… You seemed like you were together after?"

"No… Well I guess we kind of were, I don't know, we weren't together that way though… At all… I couldn't really break things off with a guy who just got shot… We were… undefined" Kim said using romans words. "I was still in love with you Adam, I never stopped loving you, I've tried... I didn't give you back the ring because I didn't love you enough.. I gave them back because it was hurting me, the way you would shut me out, it seemed like you didn't want to get married… Roman, he… he just didn't help matters"

Adam felt anger building inside of him "Did something happen while we were still together?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"God no… I didn't mean like that."

"What do you mean then?" Adam relaxed slightly but he was still on edge about what Roman had to do with their break up.

"He just… amplified my own insecurities about you I guess"

"I think I deserve more of an explanation than that"

"Just little things… when Jay was taken when we first got engaged, he tried to turn that into a reason why we shouldn't be together… tried to say you'd have to be crazy to be in a relationship with someone on the force"

"It started that long ago, and you didn't tell me?" Adam felt the anger rising again, why wouldn't she tell him? Why did she let him get between them.

"I didn't realize… I didn't realize at all until after he'd left… and he said sorry… and then… when I tried to talk to you, you told me to forget we ever happened" Kim could feel the hot lump rising in her throat and she knew she was about to lose it.

Adam was reeling, all he could hear in his head over and over again was Kim saying she never stopped loving him, that she'd tried and she couldn't.

The radio beeped and then Jay's voice came through the radio "We got movement, everyone get over here now"

"Shit" Adam cursed slamming the car into drive. "We need to talk about this… This conversation is far from over Kim"

Kim nodded and focused on navigating Adam to the house Jay and Erin were at.

* * *

Adam watched her out the corner of his eye, she was doing paperwork. They hadn't had a chance to talk yet, they came back in the car together back to the district but they had a perp in the back seat, so talking then wasn't really an option.

Kim stood up and walked into the hallway, Adam followed hoping she was going into the locker room but she walked into the viewing room.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I could feel you staring at me… I knew you'd follow me and I figured this was probably the most private place in the district" she said looking at her hands. Adam went to say something and Kim stepped forward and kissed him.

"Let me talk first" she said when she pulled away. "I love you and I want to be with you, but you have to decide if you can forgive me and if it's me you want to be with or if you want to be with her… I don't want you to answer me right now… I want you to think about it… If you decide you want to give this a go, I'm here. I'll never leave again" she kissed him again. "We are freaking awesome together" she grinned using his words on him "But I have a feeling we totally suck apart" She turned and walked out leaving Adam standing there reeling for the third time in one day.

* * *

Kim walked into her apartment, her whole body ached and she was so tired. Adam had left the district straight after their conversation; she wasn't encouraged by that at all. At least she thought maybe moving on would be easier if she knew she'd tried everything, if she knew she'd come clean and fought for him.

She stepped into the shower and let the water cascade over her head trying to wash away some of the stress.

There was a loud knock at the door, she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her hurrying to the door. She looked through the peephole and took a deep breath.

"Oh god" she said to herself under her breath she opened the door.

Adam took in her appearance, she had water falling from her hair and all he could now think about was that she naked underneath the towel. Her shampoo and body wash invaded his senses and he couldn't control himself he moved forward and grabbed her moving inside the apartment and shutting the door with his foot as he claimed her lips again, he groaned into her mouth as she opened it instantly for him and let him kiss her exactly how he has wanted to every day since she left him. He took his jacket off without moving his lips from hers, and pulled the towel away from her body and started kissing up her neck.

"Adam… we have to stop… I can't do this… I can't do this if it's just sex" Kim said praying that he wasn't just here for that because she wasn't sure she could actually find the control to make him stop.

"I love you… I broke things off with her… That's where I went… I want you, I want us" Adam said seriously staring into her eyes before crashing his lips back into hers with urgency. "I need you now though; can we talk properly… after?" Kim nodded and started undressing Adam while pushing him into her bedroom.

 **I almost didn't make that last part in this chapter, but I figured, 10 chapters to get them back together was enough LOL.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thinking this is the end, I've tried to write more for it a lot over the last few days, but everything I write kind of just keeps morphing it into another story line. I'm not crazy about this, or how it ends, but after literally hours of trying to make it better, I am giving up..**

 **Thanks for reading it and for your reviews :).**

Kim was trying to be patient, trying not to push him, but it was driving her crazy, she was lying on his chest listening to his heart beating. It was slow and calm, while hers felt like it was beating a mile a minute. She would forever be envious of his ability to fall asleep no matter what. She shifted roughly hoping to make him wake up… he barely moved a muscle… she sighed and decided to get out of bed and grab a shower. She sat up and started moving out of the bed

"I was hoping you would give up and fall asleep... I'm so tired, how are you not sleeping" Adam pulled her back into him and smiled into her neck as he nuzzled his face into it.

"You weren't sleeping?" she asked running her hand through his hair.

"I was half sleeping, turn your brain off for just a bit, please"

"It's not that easy for some of us" she huffed "I don't want this to blow up before it's even started again"

Adam pulled back and groaned "Sleeping isn't optional for some of us"

"I'll make coffee" Kim said going to get out of bed

"I don't need coffee" he laughed sitting up and rubbing his eyes "What exactly is it you want to talk about?" He asked.

"Us"

"Ok…"

"Do you still want to give this a go?" she asked nervously.

"You mean after the mind blowing sex?" he asked trying to hold back a laugh. Kim narrowed her eyes at him, he was making jokes, and she was trying to have a serious conversation. "Darlin… I told you, I want you, I want us."

"So we are together again?" Kim asked needing to clarify, she was done with not talking openly. She was going to be extremely direct with Adam for the rest of her life.

"Yep… On one condition" he climbed out of bed searching for something.

"What are you looking for?" Kim asked, Adam picked up his pants and grabbed his badge unclipping it from the holder and then trying to get something out from the pouch. "Adam what are you doing? You don't need your badge right now… What is your condition" She said getting frustrated.

"You have to marry me" he said holding out her ring

"How long have you had that in there?" Kim asked in shock

"Since the night you gave it back" Adam shrugged "I don't want to plan some big wedding, I just want you and I to go to city hall and get married. I don't want to lose you again over something stupid. I always wanted to marry you Kim."

"You had it there the whole time?"

"I never stopped loving you... I know I want to be with you forever, I don't want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your husband"

"Even after I hurt you so badly you kept that in there, and you still want to marry me? Are you sure?" Kim couldn't believe he could possibly want to marry her, at least not right away.

"I have never been as sure about anything as I am about me wanting to marry you Kim. Losing you was the worst thing that ever happen to me, I'm not about to let that happen again" Adam said leaning over and kissing her, pouring everything he could into the kiss. "Darlin, you're making me a little nervous. I think I've said I want to marry you about 10 times and you are yet to weigh in"

"Of course I want to marry you" she said pulling him into her and pushing him down on the bed "City hall sounds amazing"

Adam pulled away and grabbed her hand and slid it back on her finger where it belonged "I don't ever want you to give me this back again, got it?" he said seriously. Kim smiled and kissed him again.

"Got it" she smiled into his lips

"You reckon you can turn that brain off again now?" Adam smirked his hands all over her body.

"Already off" she smiled.

* * *

"I can't believe I did it" Kim smiled happily.

"You did it? Don't you mean we did?" Adam asked amused

"No, I did it… I got Adam Ruzek down the aisle"

"To be fair… There wasn't an aisle" Adam teased

Kim sarcastically laughed at him and pulled Adam into her wrapping her arms around his neck once they were outside of the building.

"You are my husband" She said happily

"You are Mrs Ruzek"

"Mmm I don't think I'll ever get sick of hearing that" she murmured against his lips.

"Seriously guys" Kevin boomed "I agreed to be the witness to the wedding, but not this rubbish" he joked motioning between the two of them. "We are going to be even later to work than we already are if we don't hurry up"

"Oh god, how do you think Voight is going to handle this? Do you think this is going to be okay with him? Maybe we shouldn't tell him for a bit"

"Not a chance I am hiding this from a single soul, we will handle whatever he says together... Erin and Jay live together, and he asked you to move up to intelligence when you were shot and we were together… it will be fine" Adam said kissing her forehead.

"Do you reckon when Al retires we can get a hot chick I can hook up with? Starting to feel a little left out" Kev joked as he followed them to the car.


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 **So I've decided to write a sequel for this one. Hope to have something ready in the next few days, not sure what I will call it, definitely open to suggestions on that.**

It had been two years since Adam and Kim had gotten married and to say things had been all sunshine and roses would be a long stretch from reality. The first of the bumps had literally been on their wedding day.

 _"Adam, it's not that big of a deal Babe. It's just at work" Kim reasoned following him down the hallway, he'd stormed out of the car when she admitted she agreed with Voight, just as they pulled up to the apartment._

 _"It's just work? Kim, we spend a lot of time at work"_

 _"I know… but what is the alternative?... do you want me to go back to patrol? Or transfer to a different unit?" She offered, she didn't want to, but if that's what Adam needed her to do, she would do it. She would do anything to make this work, she never wanted to be without him again "Voight said.."_

 _"No. I don't want you to transfer Kim. You know that" he interrupted pinching the bridge of his nose and sighed "Your name isn't Burgess anymore though. Not after this morning. You're Kim Ruzek… you have no idea how many times over the last year I have dreamed about this, and now I have to call you Burgess at work" Adam sulked sitting on the edge of the bed._

 _"Just at work… you have to admit, having two Officer Ruzeks in the same unit would become pretty confusing. Not to mention raise even more red flags in the ivory tower" Kim ran her hands through his hair and down his back hoping to relive the stress he'd piled on since Voight told them he couldn't allow her to have his last name at work._

 _"You are going to change it on everything else though?"_

 _"Absolutely everything… this isn't about me not wanting your last name babe, you know that"_

 _"I just want everyone to know you're mine" Adam said pulling her down to sit astride on his lap._

 _"Me too" Kim smiled leaning in to kiss him and pushing him back on the bed. "You know… we still haven't consummated this marriage" she grinned unbuttoning her shirt._

 _"We should definitely do that" Adam agreed helping to relive her of her clothes._

While they had their fair share of fights, they got worked out pretty quickly and they usually managed to keep them away from work, a handful of times it hadn't worked, usually thanks to Adams hot head.

 _"Seriously? You left without me?" Kim asked annoyed standing next to his desk keeping her voice quiet._

 _"I left a note. I had to go to the gym" Adam answered not looking up from the form he was filling in._

 _"Don't bitch at me later when we have two cars then Adam"_

 _"Trust me. I won't" Adam snapped putting his pen down and walking into Voights office to get him to sign the form._

 _"Newlyweds trouble in paradise?" Jay asked with a smirk on his face._

 _"Paradise? Ha" Kim spat out and walked to the locker room to put her stuff away._

 _Her phone started ringing again and she groaned loudly, it was Roman, again. She silenced the call just as Adam walked in._

 _"Roman again?" He spat out angrily._

 _"Adam. I can't control if he calls me or not" he had started calling last night and while Adam had remained tight lipped last night about it, him not being there this morning was a clear sign he was pissed._

 _"Why don't you tell him we're married?"_

 _"You want me to answer it?" Kim asked shocked_

 _"To tell him we are married and that he needs to back the hell off? Hell yes I do" A reprieve in his anger not looking like it was anywhere in sight._

 _"Why the hell didn't you just say that Adam? Good god you are infuriating" she huffed._

 _"I shouldn't have too… And trust me this little situation is worse for me than it is for you. I'm not the one who shacked up with my partner. At least I know Al's a little old for you" Adam snapped, and as soon as it left his mouth he knew he'd gone too far._

 _Kim glared at him "I will answer next time he calls, tell him we are married, I'll leave out the part where you're a complete douche-bag though" Kim snarled as she walked out._

 _Only a short time later Kim walked into the kitchen to grab some more coffee and Adam followed her in there. Holding out his mug to get her to pour some coffee into it._

 _"I might trip and pour scalding hot coffee on you" Kim warned before starting to pour it into his mug_

 _"You'd be the one stuck with a scared up husband" Adam shrugged smiling "I'm sorry, that was a low blow and I didn't mean it."_

 _"I know. You have to talk to me, I didn't know what you'd want me to do. I have no desire to talk to him so I just went with that"_

 _"I know it's childish, but I want him to know I won" Adam winced at how bad that sounded._

 _Kim let out a laugh "You are ridiculous… are you happy with your prize though" she asked grinning and moving to press herself up against him._

 _"Ecstatic" he leaned down and kissed her._

In the early days Adam had flipped out on her over numerous things he had more insecurities about her leaving then he had thought, but they always managed to talk through it and while some might have thought this meant they rushed into it, neither of them had even for a second doubted the decision to get married.

Adam's protectiveness had also been a major issue for them in the early days, he had found it hard to think of Kim as a partner in his unit rather than his wife that he needed to protect.

 _"Not a chance… she is not going in there… no" Adam said with conviction when he'd heard the plan._

 _"Ruzek" Al said in a warning voice._

 _"No. I don't care, she is not going in there, there are too many variables… I'll lose sight of her. No" Adam said shaking his head. Kim glared at him in shock, she was nervous as hell for her first undercover gig since she'd been brought into the unit and her husband having no faith in her was not helping._

 _"Funny Ruzek I don't see stripes on your sleeve… The plan is going ahead, Burgess go change" Voight snapped as he walked back into his office slamming the door. A clear sign it was not up for discussion with Adam. Kim stormed into the locker room just as embarrassed by Adam's outburst as she was angry. Adam followed her._

 _"You are not doing this" Adam said shutting her locker._

 _"Do you hear yourself?"_

 _"It's too dangerous"_

 _"Too dangerous for what? Because we have the same job Adam" she snapped "You would do it"_

 _"That's different" Adam shrugged_

 _"Because you have a penis or because you are better at OUR job than me?" she snapped out, and Adam's face paled._

 _"That is not what I meant"_

 _"Yeah well thanks for the vote of confidence, I'm doing this with or without your support. But having my husband believe I was a good enough cop to pull this off might help dramatically" she snapped and pushed him out of the way of her locker._

 _"I'm sorry, I do believe in you, I just get scared something is going to happen to you. I'm sorry Darlin" He said wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into him._

 _"So say that Adam... I will understand you being worried or scared, but stamping your feet and acting like a petulant child is not going to help"_

 _"I'm sorry. You got this" he said kissing her softly._

 _"Cover my ass?" she grinned._

 _"Covered" he smiled and walked out leaving her to get ready and to triple check the plan to make sure there was no way anything was going to happen to her._

Kim nervously sat on the edge of the bathtub looking down at the timer she had set watching it go down backwards. She had stayed home sick from work, once she had actually pulled herself out of bed and into the bathroom to have a shower she'd laid eyes on the unopened box of tampons she's brought in anticipation of her period a few weeks ago. She'd sent herself into a tailspin and headed straight to the pharmacy. Surely she wasn't, she couldn't be. The timer went off and she flipped it over, when she saw the two pink lines she leaned over and vomited again in the toilet. _Oh god I am._ She thought to herself.


End file.
